The Gift of Failure How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go so their Children can Succeed by Jessica Lahey
First, reading a book of this nature needs to be written by someone with experience, and Lahey is both a parent and educator. She speaks from both perspectives, gathering in conversations and experiences she’s had with friends and parents, sitting on both sides of the desk as well, in education settings.
The book is divided into 4 parts: Part 1, Failure: A Most Valuable Parenting Tool; Part 2 Learning from Failure: Teaching Kids to Turn Mistakes into Successes; and Part 3 Succeeding at School: Learning from Failure is a Team Effort.
Unfortunately, I am of a melancholy temperament. When I read something of this sort, I find so many wonderful details bound up in ideas that it is challenging to summarize. Lahey covers a broad spectrum of ages, giving parents and teachers ideas for many grade levels. I found myself nodding in agreement with techniques teachers or parents had tried offering extrinsic rewards, only to see them not sustain motivation. She cites some interesting studies validating the futility of extrinsic rewards.
She discusses settings for both home life and school. This book goes in tandem with Lythcott-Haims's book, How to Raise an Adult, perhaps fleshing out more specific ideas to help school-age children face the decisions of responsibility and growing up.
I felt conviction when I recalled going out of my way for one of my children to make sure they had what they needed instead of letting them figure out the consequences and learn independently.
In the course of reading this book, I also watched the recent Pixar movie, Inside Out 2. Spoiler alert: I couldn’t help but see a connection between Joy’s line to Anxiety, something to the effect of, “We can’t decide her life for her,” and what we feel as parents. Ouch! The most important part missing is the gift of the Holy Spirit, which we, as parents, can rely on when we pray fervently for our children as they navigate life. Our Father loves them even more than we do, and goodness knows we have numerous examples in Scripture where the Lord’s chosen need to grow from mistakes. That’s the whole point of pruning to bear fruit. We want to raise emotionally healthy children who can face life and share the Light with those around them.
I highly recommend this book to get your prayer and parenting ideas flowing for raising emotionally strong children.
-Jan Rader